Conflicted
by mswhitlock
Summary: Edward and Bella meet by chance and have an instant connection. But Edward isn't exactly who he seems to be and he has a deep dark secret - one he's often not even aware of. Can Bella deal with Edward and the problems he brings into her life?
1. Prologue

I always knew I was different from the others.

When I was seven, I would go to the playground and sit on the swing alone. But I wasn't lonely. I was never, in my whole life, lonely. I had _them_.

In school I sat at the back of the class on my own. Teachers tried to pair me up with people, but they soon realised that there was no point in trying to find new friends for me. I already had friends. I had _them_.

As I got older, my parents started to worry. They thought I locked myself up in my room after I got home from school. I didn't. I would jump out of my window, onto the roof of the extension and onto the ground. I had fun with _them_.

Sometimes I got scared. If I was alone with _them_ for a long time, I would black out. I'd wake up, not having any idea what had happened. Every now and again, I'd wake up in the strangest places. But I'd laugh it off. It was just _them_ – they loved to play pranks.

One time, shortly after I turned seventeen, my mom started screaming at me. She shouted about seeing me break windows, smoke and drink on a Friday night after I told her I was going to bed. I had no idea what she was talking about. I told her I was asleep then, and that I woke up on the couch downstairs. My dad, a doctor, was listening. He whispered to my mom, and later that day they took me to see somebody. Somebody they said could help me.

I always knew I was different from the others. It was when I was seventeen I knew why, and just how much it would change my life.


	2. Chapter 1

**Song for this chapter: 'Not Alone' - Mcfly**

Banging on the door woke me up. I realised I had fallen asleep on my old couch in my tiny apartment. Well, apartment being a loosely used term. It was a small, one-bedroom flat built over my mom's interior design workshop. About 20 feet away from my parent's house.

"Hey, open the door!" a female voice called, thumping the door again. I recognised the voice – in a way. It sounded a little different to the way I remembered it. Different to the way it sounded when my sister was four. I rolled off my couch and stumbled over to the door. Pulling it open, I saw the girl who looked just the same, yet totally different. Her eyes were the same – bright and sparkling blue – and she still had the same pointy face. But she was taller, admittedly not by much, and was wearing make-up and designer clothes.

"Alice," I greeted her. "You look different."

"No I don't," she replied quickly, pushing past me.

"Right," I mumbled. This took some getting used to. Seventeen years and I'm still not used to it. "It's weird. So, why are you here? Not that I'm not always delighted to see you."

"I came to talk to you. Can't a sister just come talk to her brother?" she asked defensively.

"Alice…"

"Fine, I want you to come shopping with me," she snapped. "Rose called. Something came up. Besides, you need new clothes."

"Rose," I repeated. "You know her from…?"

"High school," Alice told me. "We've been friends since I was a junior." I nodded, trying to force my brain to remember this.

"So will you come? Shopping?" Alice asked. I started to say no, so she added, "We'll go to the library too and get that new book you wanted to read."

"Fine," I sighed, walking into my bedroom and throwing a shirt over my head.

"While you're dressing," Alice said, following me into my room, "can I read your journal?" I looked at her for a moment before shrugging, walking over to my bed, lifting up the mattress and taking out the blue journal.

"Did you remember to write last night?" Alice pressed, taking the book from me.

"Yes _mom_," I sighed sarcastically. "Now get out. Give a man some privacy."

Alice smiled and left my room with the journal. I closed the door behind her and sat down on my bed. I hated this little routine Alice went through. Coming over, making sure I didn't spend my days alone and reading my journal. She did it at least once a week. There were some weeks though, that she didn't visit. Or…I didn't.

I got dressed and went back outside to my kitchen slash living room. Alice was sitting at my small table, just staring at the page. She didn't even look up when I came in.

"Alice?" I asked hesitantly.

"What did you do yesterday?" she demanded without even looking up.

"Got up, went to the coffee shop, walked around, came home, wrote in my journal, watched T.V. and fell asleep," I shrugged. "It's all in the journal. Well, except for watching T.V., I did that afterwards."

"What did you watch?" Alice asked, still refusing to look at me.

"Um…" I thought about it for a moment. "CSI."

"And what happened in CSI?"

"What is this, 20 Questions?"

"Just tell me what happened in the damn show."

"This kid got killed. And…" I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on what happened during the show.

"You're not going to remember," Alice finally looked at me. She stood up, walked over to me and handed my closed journal to me.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, flicking to the most recent page I wrote in.

"That's dated November the fourth," she said simply. A pained look crossed her face. I didn't understand.

"And?"

"You said you wrote yesterday. That's your last entry."

"And?"

"It's November the sixth."

For a minute I stood, processing what Alice had said. I wrote _yesterday_, on the _fourth_. Alice read my journal _today_, on the _sixth_.

_You missed a day_, I told myself. Or at least, I pretended I told myself. I knew deep down what really told me.

"I missed a day," I said to Alice.

"You missed a day," she agreed.

"I don't know what caused it," I told her. "I thought I had it controlled.

"It was probably the show," Alice shrugged, trying to smile. "You know you shouldn't watch shows like that. And you know in your heart that you can't control it."

"I will. Someday." Alice didn't agree with me. She gave me a strained smile and a small nod. I could see from her face that she didn't believe I could.

I thought for a second, as Alice rummaged through her bag, how hard it must be to have me as a brother. How hard it is for our parents to have me as a son. I thought about what I said to Alice. _I'll control it someday._ But would I? Could I? I hoped, more than anything, I could.

"Finally!" Alice let out a dramatic sigh. She pulled a small black square out of her bag and opened it in half.

"What's that there?" I asked, moving towards Alice.

"Mirror," she replied, flicking a hair off her face and touching her lip to get rid of a bit of non-existent smudged lipstick. "I really wish you had some mirrors in here."

"What, and have a fit every second day?" I snapped.

"Sorry, I just meant…" she trailed off. "And it doesn't happen that often."

"Whatever. Are we ready to go?"

Alice nodded, put her mirror back into her bag and stood up. She was still only up to my shoulder. She was up to my shoulder when she was four and I was seven. That was the last time I had a clear, full memory of my childhood.

I left the apartment after Alice, closing the door behind me. There was a car parked in the driveway coming up to the flat.

"Alice is this yours?" I raised my eyebrows. She nodded.

"When did you learn to drive?"

"When I was seventeen. Mom and dad got me the car for my eighteenth birthday. You started learning, you really wanted to, but…"

"What did I do?"

"_They_ thought you could already drive. They made you crash dad's Mercedes into the side of the house.

I flinched. As _they_ started coming around less often (or so I thought), I started to remember more. One thing I remembered well about my father was his love for his Mercedes. And my mother, well, she loves the house. Luckily though, she also loves redecorating, so maybe the crash wasn't too bad.

"Was anyone hurt?" I asked.

"Um, one of _them_ was convinced he broke an arm, but you were fine. All of you were. And none of us were home at the time," Alice shrugged.

"How did I get dad's Mercedes?"

"He and mom were out for a walk."

"Oh."

"I told them not to leave you alone."

"Nice to now you have such confidence in me."

I opened the passenger door of Alice's car – it was a nice car too, a yellow Porsche – and sat down.

"Where did mom and dad get the money to buy you a Porsche? And where did you get the money to buy designer clothes?" I wondered.

"Dad got a promotion ages ago," Alice explained. "I was ten at the time, I think. You won't remember it. He and mom still pay for most of the stuff the car needs."

"Spoilt brat," I teased her.

"Shut up."

"What about the clothes?"

"I'm glad you know they're designer at least," Alice smiled. "I get a good bit of business at the store."

"The store?"

"My store. I design clothes. We're going there today."

"Really? You're a famous designer?"

"Not quite famous," she laughed. "But I'm working on it. I bought a small building in Port Angeles a while ago. Well, _dad_ bought a small building in Port Angeles a while ago." We looked at each other and laughed. Ever since we were little, Alice had dad wrapped around her little finger.

"Port Angeles?" I repeated.

"Do you remember it?" Alice asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah. That's strange," I nodded. "Your store – it's right beside the movie theatre isn't it?" Alice nodded. "Have you taken one of _them_ there? Maybe that's why I remember it."

"One of them came a few times," Alice replied. She smiled sadly.

"What?"

"I just…I just wish you could remember everything that's happened, all the time," she sighed. "And not what _they_ tell you, what you really remember. All those years while we were growing up and you can't remember any of it because of _them,_" she said the word like a swear, like it disgusted her.

_You're not going to let her talk about your friends like that_, the voice in my head said.

"It's not their fault," I protested.

"That's not you speaking, that's what they've made you believe," Alice shook her head. "But don't worry. You'll get through this. I'll help you. We all will. Someday soon, you'll start to remember everything." Alice smiled. The smile didn't reach her eyes.

We sat in silence for the rest of the trip. Alice drove like a maniac – the trees were going by so fast that they were just a blur and the road disappeared under the car so quickly I barely had time to see it.

I looked around as we entered Port Angeles. It looked almost…familiar. Alice and I used to come here when we were teenagers, after I started going to the doctor. I remember more after that. We passed a huge white building, and suddenly I remembered something I'd thought I had long forgotten.

_Alice skipped up the steps ahead of me._

"_Come on slowpoke," she laughed from the door of the library. When she laughed she looked like my baby sister, not the fifteen year old who felt she had to look after me every night and day. Once she stopped smiling the girl who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders came back. It made me feel awful._ _She smiled a lot though – always trying to brighten other people's days, even if she couldn't brighten her own._

"_I promised you that if you come shopping with me, I'd go to the library with you to get that new book. So come on." I jumped up the steps after her and we went into the library._

"Alice," I said slowly, "it's 2008, right?"

"Right," she agreed, obviously not sure where this was going.

"And the new book I wanted to get from the library…what's it called?"

"Um, _'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone'_. Why?"

"It's not new is it?" Alice didn't say anything. I took that as me being correct.

"I've read it before haven't I? That's why we get it from the library, because I forget that I've read it and if we didn't, I'd own like, fifty copies. Have _they_ read it?"

"I think they're the only ones who read it," Alice said eventually. "You usually stop after Harry hears that his parents were killed. How'd you know?"

"I just…remembered something from a while ago when we passed the library. You said something about getting a new book and I thought about what you said this morning. I thought…I dunno…"

"What else do you remember?"

"Not much," I answered honestly. "We were driving passed the library and I had a flashback, or something. It was weird. I think you were about fifteen."

"Charlie did say stuff might come back sometime, especially if you're somewhere familiar," Alice pointed out. "And we've been to the library enough times."

Alice pulled up to a big enough shop. It was painted bright blue, with silver window sills and a big silver sign displaying the name. The windows were filled with mannequins wearing dresses and jeans, tops, cardigans and denim skirts.

"That one's mine," Alice smiled proudly, waving a hand towards the shop. I realised with a sudden burst of sadness that I hadn't seen Alice smile like that – really smile, with pure joy, not a soft, patronising, almost _sad_ smile – in a long time. That was my fault. I annoy her, I upset her and, worst of all, I _hurt_ her. Well, _they_ hurt her. They do it on purpose. It's my fault – I'm weak.

"You picked the colours and painted it for me," Alice told me. We got out of the car and walked into the store. Looking around, I sucked in a sharp breath and felt my mouth drop open.

"You don't – I mean – do – I – I…do you wear these clothes?" I spluttered, picking up the piece of clothing that had really caught my eye and throwing it at Alice.

"Don't throw clothes around!" she screeched. "Are you crazy? These are delicate!" The few people that were picking up clothes to look at and the two employees in the shop turned to stare. Alice looked at the skirt I had shown her.

"Now what are you talking about?" she asked.

"Look at the size of it!" I growled, grabbing the skirt back off Alice and holding the hanger to her hips. "It barely covers your…your…behind! You can't walk down the street in it! Bad men would get the wrong idea."

"Jeez," Alice laughed, "you forget almost all of our childhood but you're still such a big brother. I'm twenty one. I can deal with guys myself. And besides, I designed this. How bad would it look if _I _wouldn't want to wear it?" I sighed and took the skirt off her, shoving it to the very back of the rack before I had to imagine my little sister in a club with some guy. Wearing that tiny skirt.

"Here, I already picked clothes out for you the last time I was here," Alice walked quickly to the back of the shop. I followed her, not quite sure if I wanted to know what she had picked out for me. I had to hand it to her though, the clothes were pretty nice. Even if the dresses were a little too short for my liking.

"You don't even have to try them on," Alice continued. "They're the right size."

"How do you know my pants size?" I asked warily.

"I'm your sister," she answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Do sisters usually sneak into their brother's houses at night to measure their legs so they can buy them clothes?" I teased.

"Ha ha. But who said anything about buying for you? I may own the store but I have expenses to cover and bills to pay."

"I have no money."

"I'll put it on your tab."

"I have no tab."

"I'll start one for you."

"I won't be able to pay you back the money."

"I'll clear your tab as a Christmas present."

"Then what's the point in me having a tab?"

"If you make money between now and Christmas, guess whose pocket it's going in," Alice smirked at me and smacked her pocket. _Now_ I got it.

Alice went through a small silver door at the back of the shop. I stood and waited outside. I heard her rummage around and then she came back out, holding a stack of clothes that rose higher than her head.

"Want some help?" I asked, holding out my hands.

"No. You'll drop them. Now let me just scan these," she muttered, pushing past me and walking (with incredible grace considering she couldn't see anything past the mountain of clothes) to the cash register. She scanned the through and put them carefully into bags. It took about fifteen minutes.

"That would be $142.95," Alice smiled sweetly, "if you weren't my brother. Go put these on right now. The shirt will bring out your eyes." She handed me a shirt, jeans and a jacket and pointed across the room. "Changing rooms are there."

I groaned and walked into the changing room, changed my clothes and left again.

"Ready to go to the library?" I asked Alice as she took my old clothes off me, handed me the bags full of new ones and threw my old clothes quickly into the bin.

"I liked those pants," I protested quietly.

"I didn't," Alice replied simply.

"Oh, that makes it okay then," I laughed. Alice smiled and nodded.

"I'm glad we're in agreement," she said. "But I actually kind of wanted to finish up some stuff here and look around in dome other stores. Gotta keep an eye on the competition. Do you mind waiting?"

"You know what, I can go alone. I'll be fine," I assured her.

"You sure?"

"Definitely. Don't worry."

Alice looked at me nervously, but nodded and waved goodbye.

"I'll leave these here," I added, putting the bags of clothes back on the counter.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"Yes," I sighed.

"Okay, call me if you need anything."

"Who's acting like a 'big sister' now? At least I have the excuse of really being a big brother."

"Okay, okay. Get out of here."

I laughed and left the store. It wasn't bright outside, but at least it wasn't raining. I had no idea when the last time I was in Port Angeles was. For all I knew, I was here with one of _them_ yesterday – the fifth yesterday, not what I remembered as yesterday. I passed very few people on the way to the library. It was probably the biggest building in Port Angeles. It was quite depressing inside – dark and old and smelling of something like rotten eggs. From what I could see there were about three people here. Was it always like this?

I looked around for the right section before deciding there was no point in looking for _Harry Potter_. I'd read it before and didn't remember it. I'd read it again and not remember it. I looked around for the children's' section. Maybe I could find something I'd read as a child. At least I would remember reading it then.

I hurried around different aisles. I looked everywhere but ahead of me, trying to remember the place. I felt something soft crash into me and my arms flew around whatever the thing was instinctively. I looked up then, into the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.

**A/N: So this is my new story…**

**I probably won't update it that often until I get Environment Week finished because**

**1. I started EW first and want to get it finished :)**

**2. I can write really random stuff for EW whereas this needs to be more planned, otherwise it will make no sense**

**And I get to have songs for each chapter!!! Yay!!! I'm really excited (I know, I'm sad!) because EW doesn't really have a song so I can't do it for that and I love music! So yeah.**

**So…yeah. Hope you liked the chapter…and it's actually interesting…it was a good idea in my head…**

**Please review!!!**

**Shauna xxx **


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